so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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