Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
