so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
