i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
