Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
