Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
