Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
