and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
