The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
