So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
