From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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