Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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