I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
