TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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