I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
