my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
