you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
