"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
