You work out of a Hotel?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
