he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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