Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
