I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
