I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
