one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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