You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
