Are we in a gay sports bar?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
