I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
