do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
BRING THE BAGELS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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