Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
