Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
