Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
