we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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