I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
