I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
