she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
