I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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