it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
