Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
