I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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