How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
