y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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