you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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