One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
