i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
