You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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