Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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