I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
