He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
