omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
