Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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