dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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