doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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